This is how stuck I am. I didn’t speak to the Far-Away-Boy today. For months now, I’ve talked to him every day. We don’t have wonderful conversations, since we talk in a second language. I use this language more than he does, so I’m better at it, at least for now. He’s good at languages.
He’s on a continuing education weekend, and I know how those things are. I’ve done the same sort of course before; it’s pretty intensive and you’re stuck with people around you all the time. It’s weird to step out and talk to the spouse or partner or whatever, so you don’t. They’re often full of interesting people. It’s normal not to call. It’s fine.
I’m just so sad. I was happy in general today. Had a nice day organizing an outing with the climbing club. I’ll see my neighbor friend and we’ll go climbing tomorrow. The weather is fantastic. I’m mostly organized for work and I also have time programmed into the weekend to look at whatever else I might need to do and I can enjoy myself.
But I miss him. I’m so stuck on him, and so sad at the moment that we didn’t talk today. It’s when we’re apart that I realize how vulnerable being in love makes me. I don’t mind, because it’s also wonderful. Love is bipolar. Or this part of being in love is, the ups and downs, the aching when we’re not together, the stress of wanting every moment to be perfect when we are.
I’m going to cry myself to sleep, because I wanted a word from him. Just a word. And I have to be a grown up and deal with it.