My life is split into three parts. I love them all and they are utterly irreconcilable.
I love my job, but it’s in a city which is gray in winter and where I feel that I don’t have the energy to remake my life there after splitting up with my husband. So I moved to the mountains where I feel better and where I love the air, the view, the kindness of the people around me.
I love my new home. It’s just an impossible daily commute, so I set up a life where I spend most of the time at home and part of the time renting a room in the city where I work. I like my roommates in the city, a young retired couple who are kind and interesting and just all round decent folks.
It was already complicated, and then I fell in love with a man that lives four hours away (from both home and work, if that makes any difference).
I am so lucky to have so many wonderful things in my life, but there is no way in any future that I can imagine that I’m going to get all three of the things I love into a 100 mile radius. I am so happy but at the same time, it hurts so much that there is no way to bring all these things together.
I don’t speak the language where the Far-Away-Boy lives, so finding work or moving there is just impossible. I’m trying to learn, but a new language at 50 is not an easy thing. I also have a very secure job. I can change it, of course, but it would be really scary to give up that security and on top of that, I love what I do and love my colleagues. And I love my new home in the mountains.
I don’t know what to do but state the facts and hope that somehow there will be a clue, a hint of how this can be sustainable. It’s just that the facts are a bit overwhelming.