The Miracle

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I want everyone to be in love like I am today.  At almost fifty, I know it’s not going to last, this Christmas-morning-every-day feeling, but it’s so good.  I have found the man of my dreams, without ever knowing that I was dreaming of him.

I feel guilty as all get out, still, about leaving my husband, but I met the Far-Away-Boy after I’d moved out.  Not much after, but still.

I still feel bad about how I left my husband, but in the end it was a process about me learning what I would like to have in a partner.

I love sex. I don’t think this should be something negotiable unless there is something major that prevents it.  In the world of Viagra, there is no reason for two healthy people who love each other to live without sex.  It was important to me, and my husband wasn’t willing to try anything medical that would have, in the end, maybe saved our marriage.  So I began to look elsewhere, and I discovered a part of me that had been dormant for many, many years.

I feel so alive now.  I feel like I am loved, and appreciated in ways that I don’t think I ever felt with my husband.  With my husband we were partners, pals, and we loved each other, but somewhere along the line, he forgot to show me how he felt.  When we went to couples therapy, I could see finally that I no longer existed in his mind except for someone to listen to his worries and support him.  It was never very reciprocal, but the vestiges of sharing had disappeared.

My friends remarked that I repeated myself all the time, but that was because no matter what I said, my husband never listened.  It could be something important, or organizational, but he never listened.   Then he would be surprised that I wasn’t home, or that we had a guest for dinner.

I’d never felt so alone.  Add that to the guilt that I felt from cheating on him.

And now there’s this miracle in my life.  I’ve met someone who I respect, and find oh-so-sexy. He makes me laugh and teases me, and lets himself be teased. We share the same passions, and most importantly, we know how to be kind to each other.  I love to hear his voice.  I love to talk with him.  I love sex with him.  I hope that this lasts as long as possible, and that everyone on the planet might one day feel as happy as I am now.

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