It’s complicated

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I’m in love, and still married to someone else. I’m in love, and miss (a bit) my old lover who would never offer me half of what the Far-Away-Boy can offer me.  I’m in love, and half the time want to cry.

Half the time, I want my new boyfriend to be my husband, with that much attention and love and kindness.  My husband was never as nice.  He was never as in love with me.  He never caressed me as much, or made me laugh so much, or was as kind to me.

Half the time I just want to imagine a future that is maybe impossible, where I speak the language where my boyfriend lives and can go live with him and find a job and have a life.

I wish I that I can stop stressing about the future and just live and let things come, or not. It’s complicated, and I don’t like complications.

A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life
But love can break your heart

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