Vertically Challenged

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I know we’re not supposed to say “handicapped” anymore but “special needs”.  To be ”Blind” is to have “impaired vision”, deaf is “hearing impaired”. I guess the terminally ill should be “life impaired” and short people “vertically challenged”.

I spent two days with man who might have some sort of dwarfism.  He’s about my size, but the proportions are really odd, like he was given a growth hormone like Lionel Messi when he was younger.

The size doesn’t matter so much (he’s almost as tall as me), and he’s agreeable to look at.  And he is incredibly into having sex with me. He’s so into it that it turns me on, even though there’s nothing else going on with him.  I don’t know if he’s just really, really calm, or a bit stupid.  We don’t talk much.  So there’s nothing that’s going to happen there long term if we can’t talk, or share, or whatever. But he’s a really generous lover, very much into making sure I’m enjoying myself.  I don’t give nearly half so much back.

He does ultra-marathons, so endurance seems to be his thing.  We walked all afternoon, did two small summits and 18km of walking, and still made love, like, four times.  But emotionally I wasn’t there with him at all. I was almost crying once, simply because it wasn’t the person I wanted to be with.

But I need the distraction. I’m hoping that seeing other guys will stop me from being so attached to my ex-cop. I know he doesn’t want anything serious (with me, in any case).  I know that I need to stop thinking of him so much. I know that it’s just that he was there for me, listening, being a friend, while I was leaving my husband, and that it was because I was having sex with someone outside of my marriage that made me need to leave in the first place.

The good news is that Mr. Wonderful’s girlfriend is playing with him, the “do you really want me?” game that women play (I don’t) to make sure they’ve really got their hooks into someone.  He’s coming by tonight to climb with me tomorrow (this was planned weeks and weeks ago) and I might want to seduce him.

If that doesn’t work, I can still have sex with someone who is vertically challenged.  And I wonder what the hell I’m doing sometimes.

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