Psalm 121

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I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

This, from an atheist, is pretty rich, but there’s some good quotes in that book. I grew up with that one, reading stories about mustangs in the west. I don’t know where it was quoted or why it was so popular, but it’s one I remember from being a horse crazy kid.  But you know, I grew up American.  I was told I could be anything I wanted to when I grew up.  Imagine my disappointment when I realized I could not grow up to become a horse.

The hills, the mountains, reinforce that I’m not completely crazy. I don’t know if I can say left my husband for a beautiful view, but it’s not entirely false. And it certainly helps.  The same situation in a crappy studio in my city would not be at all the same, even if I could go out more easily with my friends.

My ex-cop, well…there’s a girlfriend for him in there somewhere.  Someone who does not leave her things there clothes-wise, but there’s now conditioner in his shower. His hair is too short to need it. I don’t leave things at his house.  Intellectually, I know that this is fine, normal.  Being together was never part of the deal, and much of what I feel for him is just a transfer from my marriage.

But he’s been nothing but kind to me, and it’s so very appealing. I am attached, but not in love I don’t think.  I don’t think the sun rises and sets with him. We’ll see. So we’ll keep on like this for a while, while I look up into the mountains and rejoice, and cry.

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