The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

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The Good:

I’m in my new place. This is wonderful all by itself.  I have a beautiful view from my window, a nice balcony, I’m a 10 minute walk from the shops and I have woods if I go the opposite direction.  I can see the mountains from my windows. I bought a place that is a one bedroom and a studio with a connecting door, and I can always decide to rent one or the other full time.  It will pay the rent and the monthly fees, and I’ll have a free place in the mountains.  With that I could afford to go live back in the city again, but with a fantastic pied-à-terre in the Alps.

My ex-cop decided to act like a boyfriend (which is a bit confusing) and help me move. I have mentioned that he’s a good guy, and he really is.  He just doesn’t want me or anyone else to be in love with him. So inevitably, I’ll stop seeing him I suppose, because inevitably, I’ll want to fall in love again. But he was great.  Efficient, helpful, doing all the things that a good person would do for a friend.

We also had memorable, wonderful sex, the first time for me that I didn’t have to find an excuse to be with him. It was better than before, for me at least.  Don’t know about for him. I’m just living my life, and I can see who I want. He made me dinner, breakfast.  All that and I’m supposed to keep my distance?  Well, I guess I live an hour and a half away from him now, so maybe that will play out well!

The other good news is that my one friend who lives here in the village invited me to dinner tonight. She’s a lovely woman.

The Bad:

I cried off and on yesterday, because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing leaving my husband.  Because I’m not leaving him for my ex-cop who does not want to be a boyfriend, just the fact that I cheated on him and I can’t deal with lying about it. And I felt really lonely and out of sorts yesterday.  I chatted off and on with other guys, my sister, my friends. It felt okay, but I didn’t want to eat, or take time to eat, and it got a bit silly.  I need to eat.  I can feel how thin I’m getting and it’s all about wanting to disappear, I suppose. If I don’t watch it, I’m going to turn into a real anorexic.  So today, I’m setting a timer to eat lunch at 12h30.  I will eat, then go visit the local pool and relax a bit.  Do some laps but nothing too strong. I will buy stuff to make dessert to take to my friend’s house tonight. And clean, and unpack.

The Ugly:

The people I bought the apartment from left me a load of surprises.  Some good, some not so good. Like behind the cabinet in the sink:

. IMG_6289.jpg

Or the pile of underwear: IMG_6290.jpg

But other good surprises.  A mixer, furniture that is mostly nice, dishes that are perfectly acceptable.  I’ll have to re-do things to my taste eventually, but for the moment, I just need to clean and clean and clean!!

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