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While I was on vacation, my sister described a few women she knew as ‘sluts’. It was (obviously) derogatory. I felt sorry for the women in her small community who might just not want to get stuck with some jerk but might still want sex. (I did look at my Bumble feed there; it was extremely depressing. All the guys were overweight and looked 10 years older than me).

Cambridge dictionary defines a slut as a ‘woman who has sex with many different men without emotional involvement’. There is no mention of pleasure, or independence, and the term itself is not mentioned as being derogatory.

in order for a woman not to be a slut, she must have only a few men and care about them. I’ve had sex with four men in 19 years and I care about three of the four, so technically I guess I’m not a slut.

I’ve heard the term for men, too, so it’s not a case of gender inequality.

It is interesting, however, that we’re supposed to care about our sexual partners in order not to be labeled with a derogatory term.

And here I’ve been beating myself up because I care about my ex-cop. It’s dangerous for me emotionally, but it means I’m not a slut.

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