Friends and Family

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This is my new understanding of the world, which I “knew” before, but hadn’t felt in a long time: when you are separating from your partner, your family and friends are going to be on your side.  They are going to listen (to your side of the story) and they will be behind you.  They might question you, but if you have real reasons for wanting to end it, they will get it, and be there for you. And I was pretty sure, but not entirely sure of that.  I thought other people might beat me up as much as I beat up myself. They forgive me.  And I will some day be able to forgive myself.

When I say that our sex life has stopped, everyone, even my 92 year old step-mom, gets it.  I’m 49 and I still like sex, and it’s really is too much to ask to live without it for the rest of my life, at least in our modern society where people are together because they want to be and not because I brought 30 head of cows into the family herd.

The other problems with my husband are mostly not new; he’s an only child, he’s spoiled, he’s older than me, he has mostly lived off his parents his entire life, he’s (probably) depressed at the moment due to two of his friends and his mother dying in the last two years.  Those aren’t reasons to leave someone, if you need a reason (because sometimes people just fall out of love, I guess, too). But the sex thing trumps it all. That is (was) part of the deal.

It doesn’t make it one bit less sad, or make me feel less like hitting myself over the head with a cutting board every day, but it does help to have my friends and family behind me.

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