Visiting my family: being far away from my mess at home is so very nice! I feel like the veil has been removed from my eyes. I can begin to see what I've done, and still need to do.
Physically, I get out of the house and I'm hungry again. Instantly. I'm sleepy again. My body feels like it's been unplugged from the high speed zip-o-rama of the last few months.
And mentally, I'm less dependent in my mind on the ex-cop, and feel much more reasonable. I've been so miserable at home that I want to hang onto the one of the only things that has made me feel good. But now that I'm away, I can say that yes, the sex is lovely, yes, he's a good guy overall and no, I don't really know whether we'd be any good as a couple, or even if I'd be ready for that.
And he's 'one' of the good things; the others being my friends, my job, my new apartment/investment in the mountains.
Here I can i.d. the depression I've had, which is situational but leaves a little hangover now that I'm removing the cause for a few weeks.
But while I've been a depressed zombie for months, I've been making good, positive decisions to get my brain back the whole while.
It's going to be fine. That's optimism speaking, but also just true, because I've been doing a whole lot of the right things to make it fine.