Saw my therapist this morning. I woke up with a crying jag that hasn’t wanted to end, so my appointment came at a good moment. He’s very kind to me, and reminded me of how far I’ve come.
It’s true. There was a decision of whether to leave my husband or not, and the crying jag is because it’s inevitable. The decision is made, and I don’t mind talking about it with others, or with my husband. He doesn’t understand yet, but when I buy my apartment and I’m not around anymore, he’ll get it.
My biggest problem at the moment is that I’m too thin. I know that a lot of folks are going to hate me for saying that, but while some people eat when they’re stressed, I don’t. I “forget” or just don’t organize anything. A way of wanting to disappear, I guess. It doesn’t make me feel good, and I sort of enjoy the headaches that come with not eating. It seems right for me to suffer physically when I’ve been in such a nasty mental state for so long. So in the interest of doing something about it, I made two scrambled eggs, 3 pieces of toast, ate a ton of grapes and finished a cup of Greek salad left over from yesterday. Actually that doesn’t sound like a lot, but it was healthy and filling. And better than yesterday’s lunch, which was nothing.