There’s this guy I’ve been flirting with by WhatsApp. Let’s give him a name: John. I met him on Gleeden, so I’m expecting someone interested in sex but not necessarily intimacy.
Here’s what I know about him (or here is what he’s said about himself, which may not be the same thing at all). He’s divorced. Two kids from that marriage, pre-teens. He has a kindergarten age daughter with a partner who’s just left him. I ask him why these relationships end and he says something like “they get bored of me”. I don’t know of many women with very young children who walk out because they’re bored. So I’m curious and cautious.
We chat. I’ve mentioned him before, but he asks all the right questions, seems really interested in me as a person, and just as much interested in intimacy as sex. It’s appealing.
He also says that he prefers one relationship at a time, and that his partners do the same. To that I reply that if he wants to be exclusive, in my messed up separation-maybe-pre-divorce mind, I’m going to fall for him and that it won’t be really him; I’ll have invented whatever I don’t know and make him into this perfect partner. It would be safer for him and for me if I keep “dating” in order to see whatever we might become. (And I never mentioned this, but after 19 years with the same person, I won’t be ready to hole up with anyone in the immediate future, anyway). He seems to understand, and in any case, we’ve never met.
He become very interested to know if I have other lovers. I tell him. There’s no reason to hide things from someone I’ve never met. He’s very perturbed by the fact that I see Eric and the ex-cop, but he isn’t really interested in the fact that I’m married. He doesn’t care who I might love, but rather who I might sleep with. I find this a bit bizarre.
We also have another exchange where I write him a little hello in the morning, then went to an area without any network for the rest of the day. He wrote me wanting to know what I was doing, that he missed getting news from me. Maybe three messages during the day. It was both sweet and a bit bizarre, too.
He sets up two meetings with me that he cancels. One because of work, the other because he has exams to prepare for. The second one is more disturbing, because he writes that he’ll see if he can fit me in. I explode (by SMS) and tell him to either fit me into his busy schedule or free me up for the day. I don’t sit around waiting on some guy I’ve never met to see if he can make time for me. That was Monday.
After this he’s rather silent with me. I try to simply go on; I ask him a few questions that he half replies to, or replies to after a few days. We’re still getting to know each other, and the questions are rather banal. Tea or coffee sorts of questions, nothing intrusive.
I ask him when his exams are: next Wednesday, he says. But he’d written before that he also had exams next Friday. So I call him on it, are they Wednesday or Friday? I remind him that he proposed two days for a possible meeting next week, Monday and Friday. He canceled Monday because he needed to prepare. I offered to switch to Friday, but no, Friday he can’t, even though it was on the table before. I’m not writing in any angry way, but I do say explain that this is why I feel like he’s jerking me around, but that I’m curious enough (and maybe stupid enough) to still want to meet him.
He replies rather huffily. “This is what makes me back away” to which I tell him to be careful because if he keeps going backward, he’ll trip over the furniture. I mean, I’m being lighthearted about it, geesh.
To which he “breaks up with me”. I mean, really? As he was writing the message to stop even trying, I was writing another to explain that I’m in an awkward state, and that I can’t believe we can’t just figure this out.
So here is where we’ve left it. I wrote saying that if he’s willing, let’s sleep on it and I’ll send him a little note in the morning and he/we can decide if we want to keep trying to meet someday or not.
But it’s all a bit much, and I did spend a few hours today without him in my head, and it felt pretty nice. I could concentrate. I could think about my situation without the distraction. I could get some work done. The thing is, I would really like to fall in love with someone and be able to leave my husband with an excuse. I’m in a position where that’s entirely possible. I know that, in my state, it’s unlikely that any new relationship would work out in the long run, but it would be nice to have a reason better than we don’t have sex anymore.
But this thing with John is pretty bizarre, all the same. And I’m happy that Monday, hopefully, I can see Eric. Eric’s a great distraction. Being with him is like watching a cat chase its tail: kind of cute but pointless.