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Today, I went to look for a place to live in one of the only places I can afford to buy on my own. I’d like to buy, since where I live is in the middle of a housing crisis. Things are incredibly expensive to rent and not often very nice for the price I can afford.

This village is just the sort where you’d think to find cretins.  It used to be a thing in certain mountain communities, when they lacked iodine. But the village itself was cold and dark, even though it was a sunny day down in the valley.

I met a woman in the building where I was supposed to visit an apartment. She had it in for the entire village, the building, the managers of the building, everything; I got an earful.  I don’t know if it was entirely her doing, or if it was the beautiful view of the sun down below in the valley while we were stuck in the cold, but I walked around for a while and just gave up.

My other option to buy is much further away from my work, but I can rent a room in town with friends of friends and find myself in a family.  It would be more social.  And the other village is sunny, and there are lots of acquaintances there.

So I went to pay for the room that I could rent, at least for the month of June. It felt right and put me in a good mood. For once, I’ve moved a tiny, tiny step forward and it felt really okay.  And later, when my husband was being bitchy with me, I knew I could leave.  I had a place to go.

So that’s the good news.  The bad news is that my flirtation guy, the one who canceled twice on me, doesn’t want to answer very often.  He does sometimes.  He’s made me very attached to him, since he kept asking me questions that I wanted someone to ask; ‘how do you feel about’ and ‘what’s your opinion of’ and so forth.  I’ve gotten addicted.  But when he blew me off for the second time, his suggestion was that I wait around all day to see if he had time for me, since he has exams to study for.  And it made me furious.  I don’t wait around on some guy that I don’t even know in the hope that we can finally meet once, have a drink, and figure out if we like each other in person. I might do that for a friend, or a lover, but not some guy I’ve never met.

And now those lovely questions that I was addicted to have stopped.  The interest he had in getting to know me stopped. Probably a good thing to let it go.  If someone I don’t even know wants to control my time, there’s nowhere to go from there. It’s hard though.

But the optimism I felt all day is still there.  It’s going to be okay.  Just need time and patience.  And no more cretins in my life.



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