Wrong side of the bed

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It’s really pretty impressive the amount of mental pain involved in the end of a relationship, and I’m glad that I’m old enough to know that it’s something get-through-able, if I just have enough patience.

Today was bad. First off, my husband kindly tried to have sex with me, but it didn’t work. It’s so friggin’ sad, and so depressing. 

Then the man I’ve been flirting with for weeks cancelled our first meeting. That makes it twice now. He’s probably afraid of something, but geesh, just coffee with someone doesn’t have to be that complicated. We may not even like each other in person.

But three good things. I walked myself to exhaustion and hopefully will sleep tonight. The ex-cop came through for me and we’re seeing each other tomorrow. I could use some kindness and intimacy, and he’s a good guy. He doesn’t want a relationship, but he’s good for me, calm. The third good thing is that I have an appointment to see an apartment for sale that looks lovely. It’s the one that looks the nicest in the brochure and I’m happy to get to visit it. We’ll see if it’s as nice in reality.

But today, while walking, I had to stop and bellow my tears into the woods. So many things hurt. I haven’t felt really good since I began cheating on my husband. I wish I could hang up my morals to dry, but I can’t. And so I will stay in pain until I move out. I never would have guessed that I would feel this bad.

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