There is so much tiredness with all these endless discussions with my husband. I sort of had a glimpse of hope for a few minutes. He said that if it was really important to me, I could go find pleasure elsewhere. But he meant leaving him. I couldn’t just have a lover and stay. And I can’t have a lover(s) and lie to him forever, although it’s getting easier and easier. I’m going to screw up sometime soon and it will all come out. I’m getting too tired to be careful.
And I want someone to write to me, and say something nice. I haven’t felt really happy in such a long time.