How not to fall in love, at least not right away

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J appears to be rather normal.  He’s quite open, giving me a name and a job and details about his life without any reticence. However, he says that he’s a one woman at a time sort of person, and wants his partner to offer the same exclusivity.

This, for some reason, freaked me out.  It seemed really odd that we meet on a site dedicated mostly to quickies of various sorts with possibly multiple partners, and here’s someone wanting something that’s entirely normal in the real world. It just seemed wrong.

He got very interested in the other men I’d met on the site, but wasn’t at all interested in my husband because we don’t sleep together anymore.  It seemed more like a control issue than anything else.

I asked if he was religious; maybe that was the source of his traditional views, but no.

I also asked myself why it seemed so disturbing. Partly it’s that I’ve been with the same person for almost twenty years, and I’m having fun now.  If I’m going to find myself with someone else, I’m going to need this time to play around before settling down.

The main thing is that having multiple partners keeps me from falling in love with any one person. I don’t get too attached that way.  I have a tendency to confuse sex and love.  I always have.  And here I know, pertinently and explicitly, that these men are not to be taken too seriously.

So I told him. If I see only him exclusively, I’m likely to fall in love.  And it won’t have that much to do with who he is really since I barely know him, but it will be some sort of projection. We need to get to know each other first and he has to be careful about what he’s asking.  If he doesn’t want me to fall in love with him, then he shouldn’t ask for exclusivity. And we frigging have time!  There’s no fire under our asses making us run full speed into bed with each other.  We can…..perish the thought….date.

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