It’s always just one little thing (part I)

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If you’ve been with someone for years and years, there are many more things than love keeping you together. In many cases children (but not for us), but also habits, comfort, common interests.

My husband and I do things together.  We have outdoorsy things that we like to share. And that has been diminishing recently. It’s partly his age, 65.  It’s also because we’ve had a hard three years with a lot of deaths of close friends and relatives, and he’s been subject to something that I’d call panic attacks. It makes him worried enough not to want to do things that might expose him to danger, but not enough to want to see a doctor about it.

So that was our thing, the outdoor stuff, and we don’t have much of that anymore. It’s not gone entirely, but it’s like the sex: infrequent and unsatisfying.

In addition to his stress and panic attacks, he wanted to talk to me about some financial thing back in March. I was sick but still trying to get into work every day.  I’d gone to bed at 6:30 pm for four nights in a row.  And he needed to talk about this financial thing.  At midnight.  When I was sick and needed to be up for work at 5am.

I lost it.  I had the world’s largest, most overwhelming hissy fit ever known to man.  I did not get to sleep that night, and spent the next week looking at how to apply for a job far away, or rent an apartment in town. I calmed down at some point but I was still furious.

And it’s never just one argument. There’s the other crappy stuff that just goes along with sharing a living space with someone.  He never washes dishes or takes out the trash.  I do all the laundry. He’s retired and at home, and I do probably 75% of the household stuff. It’s unfair and sucks, but it’s always been like that.  The argument is what was new.

We went away for the weekend after that, to try to reconcile and find each other again. We tried to have sex but it didn’t work. He didn’t get hard.  Now this happens with men of a certain age, but between that and the fact that I’d nearly walked out the week before, I thought that I was done.

I signed up on a website offering extra-marital affairs, “with women in mind”. I just wanted to look, but I wound up creating a profile and putting it on-line.  It’s always just one little thing that leads to another little thing…..

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